Helping Your Child Overcome Anxiety

Understand the Problem
The first thing to understand when helping your child with their anxiety, is where it comes from.  Any state of distress, in children or adults, is caused by the body's inability to regulate itself.  In times of stress, the body will become either over or under aroused.  In other words, it will shut down, as in depression, or rev up, as in anxiety. 
When a our body is over aroused (hyperarousal), we may experience many forms of anxiety, such as panic attacks, racing thoughts, or an unexplainable sense of dread.  Children who are anxious express this hyperarousal most often through hyperactive or clingy, whiny behavior.  I promise, they are not trying to manipulate you or give you a hard time!  They are simply seeking to manage some very real and disturbing physiology!

Our bodies can be stressed by many things, all of which have the potential to lead to anxiety.  For example, environmental toxins, food allergies, over-stimulating environments, emotional trauma, stressed out family members, and too-busy schedules.  It is wise to consider what may be leading to the hyperarousal, and deal with it.  This way, you are not just managing the symptom of anxiety, you are addressing the root of the problem.  For help determining what might be overloading the body, visit Health Dynamics in Costa Mesa, CA.

Put On Your Own Oxygen Mask First
The next step in helping your children with anxiety, is learning to manage your own!  Dr. Childre at the Institute of Heartmath has found that the electromagnetic field of our heart (intimately connected to our emotional state) extends and is measurable several feet away from our body.  It also influences the brainwaves of anyone within its field!  Have you ever been close to someone who is anxious and actually started feeling anxious yourself?  Do the following tips and tools along with your children, and use them for yourself.  The calmer we are, the more we can help calm our children.  Once you are relaxed, you can more easily soothe your child with eye-contact, gentle touch, and reassuring words given in a soft, gentle voice.

Breath Work
The fastest, surest way to calm down and control anxiety, is to take slow, deep breaths.  This is an amazing tool from God, however, it will only work in a pinch if you practice regularly.  I like to practice when I'm snuggling my boys before bed. 

• Five minutes a day will profoundly influence your ability to stay regulated during usually stressful situations. 
• Use a pinwheel or bubbles to teach your child how to blow gently, keeping it going for as long as possible before taking the next breath. 
•  Or imagine blowing a feather far out into the distance. 

The trick is to control the breath so that there is a slow, gentle, rhythmic flow of air going in and out.  Put your hand over your heart or diaphragm to feel this happening.  Breathing directly influences the Autonomic Nervous System (ANS), allowing us to slow our body down and over-ride the "fight, flight or freeze" response, so easily triggered during hyperarousal.

Train the Mind
Fear is a weapon of Satan, and fought in the battlefield of the mind.  Controlling our thought life is essential in winning the war against anxiety. 

• Help children gain a sense of control by educating them about how the brain and body work.  WorryWiseKids has examples of scripts to use when explaining anxiety to your children.  Do this at a time when they are calm and able to listen, not in the heat of the moment!

Once they understand what is happening in their bodies, then you can practice squashing the "worry bug" with the following techniques:

• Memorize anti-anxiety scripture as a family.  (Some of my favorites: 2 Tim. 1:7, Is. 12:2, Deut. 31:6, 1 John 4:4, Phil. 4:13, Ps. 34:4)  Say them out loud regularly.
• Have a plan.  Explore and practice ways to calm down before the anxiety hits (such as breathing, walking, asking for help, etc.).  Find out what your child enjoys for relaxation, and use role-play, drawings, art, and story-telling to rehearse.  Be supportive, not directive, during this process.  This allows children to take ownership.
• Teach your child to talk back to the fear.  In psychology, this is called, "cognitive restructuring."  Paris Goodyear-Brown encourages kids to "boss back the fear."  Use puppets, figures, etc. to role play, "fear" and the "boss" (or make up your own silly names).  Have the "boss" fight back with positive statements, like, "I can be brave if I want to!" or the memory verse. 

As adults, we can help our children overcome anxiety!  Be patient, empathize with their struggle, encourage them to overcome, and reward their progress!

"In God have I put my trust: I will not be afraid..."
                                                         Psalm 56:11