Loving the Unlovable

We all have people in our lives that seem unlovable.  It is particularly challenging when these are ones we "should" love.  When someone close to me makes my life difficult, it is tempting to throw in the towel. 
Often this is because the loving is so painful.

To look on the one I love without receiving what I need in return, is a wound so deep I'm sure I cannot withstand it.  Or I am repulsed because something about them reminds me of my own weakness, fears and failures.  So I shut down.  I deny the love I have and bury it under layers of cold withdrawal, going about the business of life and relationship without emotionally engaging.

This is a survival technique.  We do it with difficult children, who seem to have drained every last ounce of our compassion.  We do it with spouses whose criticism has stung one too many times.  Loving those who give us nothing in return is impossible without the Love of God filling and enabling us to do so. 

To minister love requires that we forgive others and trust God.  Forgive the ongoing pain we live with.  Forgive that they don't meet our expectations or conform to how we think they should be.  Trust that God can fill the empty places; that He is enough.  Trust that His love can overflow to others when ours is exhausted.

Forgiveness is a continual process of letting go.  It involves grieving, including all the normal anger, confusion and tears belonging to grief.  It involves trusting that God is in control and will take care of you, and deal with the other as is best.  And it is repeated with each new affliction. 

Forgiveness does not include excusing or allowing inappropriate behavior.  Healthy love requires setting boundaries, but that is another conversation. 

Love is painful.  Live with anyone long enough and even those "easy" to love will sometimes feel unlovable.  When love is not returned or worse, trampled on and spit back in anger, I have a choice.  Do I give up, or do I model Christ? 

Love is not prevented by another's sin, only our own.  Because we stop forgiving in order to protect ourselves, we often do not recognize it as sin.  By choosing to grieve and let go, we chose life.  We allow God's miraculous love to heal us, opening the possibility of loving and healing those who benefit from its overflow.