Monday, June 27, 2011

Limits

Limits come in many shapes and sizes.  I’m limited by how many hours I can go without sleeping, how much money I have, the number of friends I can talk to in a day, the places I can go with a sensitive child, and so on.  You get the idea. 

Many view limits as a necessary evil.  In reality, they are an expression of love; an opportunity for grace, growth and accepting help.


How we do limits with our children is an expression of both how we grew up and the current relationship we have to our own limits.  How were limits done in your family? 

Were you allowed the normal experience of getting mad about a limit?  Were limits about power and control, enforced with anger versus love?  Or perhaps there were no limits, leaving you with a sense of chaos and unpredictability.  Could you ever say, “No” and set your own limit?

Now, how are you with setting and accepting limits for yourself today?  Are you able to tell yourself and others, “No?”  Have you come to a place of being willing to live within your limitations?  We cannot hope to take our children to a place we’ve never been.
Limits are for our protection.  Ultimately, healthy limits establish trust, providing a physically and emotionally safe way of interacting with our environment.  This is especially true for attachment disordered and traumatized children, for whom safety is preeminent.  Our children do well when they know we love them enough to take care of them, whether they like it or not. 

We do well when we learn to trust God to care for us in spite of our limitations, or rather, because of them.  After all, at the end of ourselves is where we find Him.

Preserve sound judgement and discernment, do not let them out of your sight; they will be life for you... you will go on your way in safety, and your foot will not stumble.    
Proverbs 3:21-23 

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